Have you ever felt God leading you to do something? When you feel that calling, you can't think of anything else. It drives your every move. It keeps you awake at night and leads you to constant prayer throughout the day.
This was how I felt in the call towards adoption. In December of 2011, Spencer and I began praying and seeking God to bring a fourth child into our home through adoption. Soon we began Joy-Full Creations to help raise the $30,000 it would take for an International adoption. I dreamed of this precious little girl who would one day come into our home. Friends and family rallyed around us and even helped paint/cut crosses and organize booths for craft fairs. Our children began to think of names for their little sister and sorted through the toys they would give her.
In July, God led us to move to Oklahoma, so all of our adoption paperwork had to be put on hold.
What happens when God's calling doesn't go quite the way you had invisioned?
A few weeks ago, our adoption plans came to a screetching hault. We had just moved to Oklahoma and I felt like a crazy person, but something else was going on...
Something was off.
I wasn't feeling like myself.
I was crying all the time and I just wanted to sleep.
I thought it was only the stress of the move,
But there was more going on...
I locked myself in my bathroom and, 3 tests later, swallowed the reality of the results...
The shock and confusion I felt in that moment is beyond words. HOW could I be SO sure of God's prompting towards adoption but He have a different plan? HOW was this possible? HOW can I carry a baby at the age of 34? HOW can I have a 5th grader and a newborn? The questions raced through my mind non-stop for hours.
I talked to my mom for quite sometime and, although very surprised, she was thrilled! God began to bring peace a little at a time. When Spencer came home that evening I shared the news with him. I will never forget the look on my sweet husbands face as I shared! After (what seemed like) an eternity of silence, he turned to me and said, "Well honey, we knew we wanted a 4th child, God just has a different plan of giving it to us."
The next morning, I woke up as the sun was rising. God woke me up to this:
It's amazing the peace God can bring to our hearts
with the freshness of each new day.His peace swept over me like a flood that morning. I couldn't stop praising Him for this miracle within me. I couldn't stop whispering, "Your ways are not my ways Lord" over and over again.
"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways', declares the Lord. 'As the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts,'." Isaiah 55:8&9
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
We are so VERY grateful to God for entrusting us with this little miracle.
I am 10 weeks along and the baby is due April 10th. At our ultrasound, we were able to see the tiny little kicking movements and hear baby's precious heartbeat...Another display of God's magnitude and greatness!
We DO NOT know what the future holds for adoption, but we KNOW who holds the future! All of our adoption funds will remain in "Joy's Special Account". We trust that God still has a plan and He will reveal it to us in His perfect timing.
Maybe our story is just to remind others that nothing is too big for God. With Him, ALL things are possible.
Maybe He is doing so much more than I can imagine in the here and now.
There is no greater peace than knowing that He holds EVERYTHING in His hands...EVERYTHING! We can fret and worry and question His ways but really, all we have to do is TRUST.
We trust that we may only see a piece of the puzzle but He sees the entire picture. He knows how each and every piece fits together for HIS glory.
We trust that His plan will always prevail for He knows best. We can plan everything out in our minds, but we may never know what He is protecting us from as He reroutes our paths.
We trust in His ways and not our own.